Becoming Accountable

   So I have been seeing people make blog posts and things talking about how they had a goal or goals in mind but can't seem to reach it without having to check in with someone, or in this case everyone. At first, I thought it was silly and that I didn't need it. Then I saw some of the results from these people and it was amazing! They are happy and feel like they have achieved their goal. That's awesome. So Glen and I were talking about some things that we have coming down the line for us and he asked me if I was happy with where I was. I realized that I am not really. I have a wonderful life. I have a husband that I love and he loves me back, I have a weird, quirky, amazing family, and really awesome friends. I am blessed to be surrounded by amazing people. In talking with some of these people recently and kind of looking at myself I realized that I am not my best self. I realized in the past few days that staring into the face of what I thought were these giant blemishes on my past made me realize how much I had been weighed down. Then I thought of a song that I love (thank you to my sister for introducing me to it) and one line that says "You said, remember that life is not meant to be wasted. We can always be chasing the sun!So fill up your lungs and just run. But always be chasing the sun!" If you had asked me five or ten years ago the kind of person I thought I would be now I would have told you all kinds of specifics. These were based on what I thought and knew to be important and based on the incredibly examples I had around me. Looking at myself now, I am nowhere near that. So this is where this blog comes in. It's probably more for me than anyone else; so if you don't want to read, I won't be offended. But I have some goals that I want to be held accountable to, so I am going to try this. I am not going to try and say I will write every week. I am not going to say that you want to read what I write every week. So I'll shoot for every other week.

 

The song that inspired this whole thing

   So my goals in theory are relatively simple. But for whatever reason execution hasn't been as simple. Category wise they pretty much fall in the physical, mental, and spiritual arenas. Physically, I want to get healthier. Now before I get hissed and booed (I can hear my sisters in my head), I know I am not fat. Number wise I am fine. But I know my body. The picture inserted is one of our engagement pictures. This is the only time I can really point to where I really felt good about myself physically. I have always had issues with the way I felt physically. I never wanted to be a size 2, because I knew that I wasn't built that way. I was proud of my shape but I never felt healthy. This picture is one of my favorites because it's a good picture of Glen and in myself I see that I liked the way I looked. One thing that I attribute this to is the way I was eating and the amount of physical activity I was getting. Granted, the hour of yoga I got to do every day was mostly because I was in Texas for a short time so no one would hire me. But the idea is that it became a part of my routine. I also for whatever reason did not have much desire for junk food. It was summer time so I ate a lot of fruit and vegetables. So one goal is to get to the point again where I feel this way again. My goal is to just be healthier. I have endometriosis (spelling?) which impacts my ability to have children and according to the research I have done is affected by my nutrition and overall physical health. The last thing I want is for my sweet tooth to get in the way of having children. I also have lost too many family members to cancer; so there is a genetic risk there that is greatly decreased by proper nutrition. So my physical goals are:
1. Eat what my body needs to function properly (and of course drag Glen along with me...yay for marriage!)
2. Exercise 30 minutes for at least 5 out of 7 days
3. Curb my sweet tooth and the bored munching
These things seem really easy but I am such a picky eater that eating what I need and having it still be what I like eating is tricky, so that will be a learning experience. Exercise is something I have always struggled with. I have a hard time finding the time and the motivation. I don't like running generally because I feel like I look like Phoebe in the attached clip. So finding something I can enjoy will be part of this challenge. I am a terrible muncher! And usually it's junk and I know that's not good for me, so I want to stop that too.
   The mental goal is really just to stop comparing myself to other people. Whether it be in school, in my calling, walking by them on the street. I want to be able to have that mental process that says that I am just as (insert comparison here) as them. Making sure I am seeing as much value in myself as I see in others. Also, working my way to moving past some past scars that have unintentionally handicapped me. I won't give the details on that but it's something I am working on too.
   This is getting long...er so I will try to wrap it up. The spiritual stuff is stuff that I struggle with and have for quite sometime and it's so frustrating because it's the "easy" stuff. Things like saying my prayers every day. I have been blessed by prayer multiple times, you would think this would be easier for me. But it's not. I am starting off with saying at least one personal prayer every day. With this I want to make sure that I am showing more gratitude. So I am going to put into action an idea my sister in law gave me to write down ways that I saw the Lord's hand in my life that day. Hopefully that will make the hard days a bit easier and the easier days even better. I also want to read my scriptures every day. Again, a silly sunday school answer that I should have been doing years and years ago. But I haven't been able to stick with it. I want to read the Book of Mormon all the way through and really study it. I have seen how this has blessed the lives of so many and I want to be one of those. Lastly, I want to go to the temple more. We went with my sister and brother in law recently and I realized how much I am still learning and how much I like going. I also know that it will bring Glen and I closer and who doesn't want to feel closer to their spouse? Overall, I really want to strengthen my testimony because just floating doesn't work.
   This is a lot, and I know that. I am not expecting it all to happen today, or in a week, or in a month. But I do want to be improving, learning,and growing. If you have ideas or tips that could help me with any of these things, please share! As I start to master some I may add or swap or do whatever I feel is right. But this is my starting point. Thanks for reading this, and if you made it to the end you're a trooper! :)
   Have a good week and weekend!