Manna From Heaven

   Okay, I am giving fair warning now that this might seem a little scatter brained and spastic. There is a lot on my mind and in my heart and I feel it's important to share, so bear with me.
   So this last week I really hit the gas when it came to putting these goals in motion. There is definitely something to this blogging thing because when there were parts of that goal I didn't feel like doing the thought in my head was "don't be lame...there are people now that know what you're trying to accomplish." I am a planner. A major planner. When I know that there is a habit I am trying to change that requires a chunk of time out of my day, I have to make sure it is the same chunk of my day every day. I am a creature of habit to say the least so this makes a difference. So before I got real thick into diving into these things I made a routine for my days. Classes make it so there's some variation day to day, but in general my Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays are very similar and my Tuesdays and Thursdays are very similar. I decided that I was going to get up at 6:00 every morning and exercise before my day really starts. Anyone who knows me well would be shocked at this voluntary decision (mornings aren't my thing) but they'll be more shocked to learn that I did it!
   For my goal of exercising 30 minutes a day I used this beginner's running challenge I found on Pinterest because I've always wanted to run but never could really do it. I was surprised at my own perseverance, but I kept going. Unfortunately the week took a turn for the worse and it caused bumps...big bumps in my routine. Lots of stress, made it so  I woke up Friday with a killer headache and upset stomach. I still worked out but I mostly stuck to the stationary bike because running with a headache makes you feel like your brain is going to fall out of your ears; and that would be unfortunate, and messy. But I did notice as I was working out that I wasn't so tired! I was amazed! Before this I would get so tired in the afternoon that I would try to do homework and end up falling asleep (not for a short 15 minute cat nap either...for like 2 hours). This last week that didn't happen! I did not feel as exhausted, and that made me super happy! I also noticed that I felt stronger and more confident just in my day to day whatever I'm doing. I felt like because I was making an effort to take care of myself better, I mattered more. Funny how that works. This week starting off I didn't exercise because extra stress caused me to get behind in homework, which made me have to stay up later. But I will get into that more a little later in the post.
   When it comes to my sweet tooth, I have been doing a lot better! I have been trying to opt for things like fruit (which I love) and yogurt if I have a sweet hankering. The yoplait light yogurts really seem to work for me, especially the raspberry cheesecake one....yum! I learned a long time ago that as soon as I say "I am not going to eat (insert some form of junk food here) anymore!" I want it more. The only thing that hasn't been the case with is fast food. I don't feel a huge tug toward that; I eat it when it's necessary or if we're with someone and go but I don't pull for it. So this time I didn't try to say I am not going to eat cookies or candy because I knew that if I did a little while later I would be just like Hammy in the attached video. But I did do a lot better in finding better things to replace the sweet things, while still allowing myself to have a little.
   Here's where the bigger stuff comes in. My big moments this week were more than I ever expected. It was super stressful, emotionally exhausting, and a gigantic blessing. I started saying my personal prayers every morning and every night, I read my scriptures right after school before I even turned on my computer for homework, and Glen and I were reading them together and saying prayers together before bed. It was really really awesome. i felt like there was a difference being made in my day. I was grumpy less and more appreciative. Then on Tuesday our car overheated...again (it happened like a month ago). We got it towed...again. And our awesome mechanic (Damon at DC Automotive...for any local friends) took care of it...again. Wednesday morning it started to overheat again...so we waited for it to cool off and add fluid to it. We had to do this every morning in order to get Glen to work and me to school without the temperature gauge going crazy. Friday my dad drove the car and realized there was fluid wherever he parked. Back to Damon we go...and a few hours later (which were kind of fun because I spent the afternoon with my Daddy) Damon tells me that the head gasket is toast on the car. Something that could be repaired but for more than the car was worth. He said the car would not last long, and we needed to look into get another...quickly. Our only car toast. It had a lot of miles on it, but the kicker was the it was confirmed by Damon that another dealership that it was taken to (Kuni Honda for my Colorado friends and family...don't take your car there) basically messed it up real bad by putting some substance that didn't belong in the radiator. That caused the need for expensive repair and the demise of our Civic. I was on and off in tears a lot of the following days. I didn't understand at all; we were staring to do the things that we needed to again, we had finally got our financial footing. it was shortly after all the expenses we spent on Charlie being sick. I was so frustrated, confused, and deflated.
   Damon told us about a local place that would look at the car, assess it's worth and basically give us cash for it. He told us to take it there and use that as a down payment on a new one. I was not at all looking forward to this. I hate having to buy clothes, let alone something large, on four wheels, and priced like a bazillion times the cost of pants. But I knew there was a blessing in all of this. Blessing one: no one got hurt in all these shenanigans. Everyone I loved was safe. Saturday Glen and I took the car to get its value assessed. We didn't have super high hopes. It's old, lots of miles, and looks its age. We were thinking $400, maybe $800. Blessing two: appraiser came back with an offer of $1,700. Which provided a significant down payment and the first month's worth of payment.  We were surprised and elated with this new and met my parents to go car shopping. We had an idea of what we wanted but we weren't sure. It was later in the day than we wanted to start so we didn't have much time. Luckily we were with my parents and were able to get our grocery shopping done too. Blessing three: I have really fantastic parents that happily help their children in any way they can; not to mention they think of their in law kids as their children so they're always willing. We let our car sit for the next day and a half and got a ride to church and everything. During church I had just tons running through my head. We can't afford a car payment, I have to go back to working again, that will affect my school work, I'll never see Glen, we can't even afford to pay tithing. Blessing four: luckily for me, my husband even in these situations is completely steadfast in the tithing area and dutifully and willingly paid it. I just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was on and off in tears most of church, let alone the rest of the day. But my parents, Glen and I came up with a game plan for the next day to get the car taken car of. So yesterday we took our first car together back to where we went Saturday and handed over the keys in exchange for a check. Scary, yet a relief. Then my Dad took us to shop some more. The first place we went we just did not find anything that clicked and we moved on. The second place we went (with my mom too this time), I wasn't expecting to find anything. As soon as we got out of the car, I saw a salesman come towards us and I thought "great catch, vulture." But man was I wrong. This guy (Larry and Toyota of Irving for any local friends maybe looking for a car) was amazing. Not at all the stereotypical  car salesman. Talked to us about his children and said that he would want someone to help his children in our situation so he was going to help us; and he did. A few hours later we walked out with a palatable monthly payment, more peace of mind than we thought we would have, and a reliable (and pretty) car.

 Larry, and the really nice woman Ana in financing were super helpful, polite, and put my mind more at ease than I thought it could be given the stressful and sleepless previous nights. Blessing five, six, and seven: Did I mention my awesome parents? The ones that sat with us in the hot tiny little office to help us negotiate territory we've never been in and helped Glen pull me off the ceiling when numbers were being thrown around.
Blessing eight: Larry, our awesome sales man who treated us like family and made us feel completely comfortable. Who also worked really hard to get us the palatable numbers.
   We got home feeling a weight off our shoulders because we had a reliable way to get to work and school. It's an amazing feeling not to worry every time you get in the car whether or not you'll make it where you need to go. But we still had the financial portion on our mind. Well I did at least, Glen was focused on being happy about our immediate relief (he's good that way, I'm a worrier). As I was thinking about how the finances would add up, I was checking my school email. I got one that told me my financial aid had been processed and I needed to go in and accept it. Preoccupied with my thoughts, I logged into my financial aid page and all of a sudden realized the number was different than last year...higher. Upon closer examination I realized I received a UTA scholarship. A grant that not so coincidentally would equate to pretty much a semester's worth of payments. This scholarship in conjunction with other grants and a little financial aid would allow us to pay my tuition and books, then set aside some for car payments AND get our savings back. This brought me to tears. It was then I realized all the blessings throughout this ordeal. There have been few times where I have felt so personally watched over, and this was a big one. I know two things for a fact. First, that my Heavenly Father recognized my efforts to be better and he heard the pleadings of my heart and met the needs of myself and my husband. Second, the faithfulness of my husband in my moment of doubt to pay our Blessing nine, ten, eleven, twelve: the scholarship to help my financial heartache, the assurance that we did what was right, the relief of an answered prayer or...five, and a faithful husband.
tithing blessed us ten fold.
   I am amazed at the things that have happened this past week. At the amount we've been blessed, at having such a quickly answered prayer, at the wonderful supportive people I have in my life. I know the way this played out would not have happened if Glen and I had not been making such a concentrated effort to do those simple things we know we need to do. Now, it doesn't even seem appropriate to call them simple because of the resounding impact it has had.
   So while the physical portion of my goals did not get as far as I hoped, the spiritual side has come farther in a week than I ever could have imagined. I hope you all have a fantastic week!

Becoming Accountable

   So I have been seeing people make blog posts and things talking about how they had a goal or goals in mind but can't seem to reach it without having to check in with someone, or in this case everyone. At first, I thought it was silly and that I didn't need it. Then I saw some of the results from these people and it was amazing! They are happy and feel like they have achieved their goal. That's awesome. So Glen and I were talking about some things that we have coming down the line for us and he asked me if I was happy with where I was. I realized that I am not really. I have a wonderful life. I have a husband that I love and he loves me back, I have a weird, quirky, amazing family, and really awesome friends. I am blessed to be surrounded by amazing people. In talking with some of these people recently and kind of looking at myself I realized that I am not my best self. I realized in the past few days that staring into the face of what I thought were these giant blemishes on my past made me realize how much I had been weighed down. Then I thought of a song that I love (thank you to my sister for introducing me to it) and one line that says "You said, remember that life is not meant to be wasted. We can always be chasing the sun!So fill up your lungs and just run. But always be chasing the sun!" If you had asked me five or ten years ago the kind of person I thought I would be now I would have told you all kinds of specifics. These were based on what I thought and knew to be important and based on the incredibly examples I had around me. Looking at myself now, I am nowhere near that. So this is where this blog comes in. It's probably more for me than anyone else; so if you don't want to read, I won't be offended. But I have some goals that I want to be held accountable to, so I am going to try this. I am not going to try and say I will write every week. I am not going to say that you want to read what I write every week. So I'll shoot for every other week.

 

The song that inspired this whole thing

   So my goals in theory are relatively simple. But for whatever reason execution hasn't been as simple. Category wise they pretty much fall in the physical, mental, and spiritual arenas. Physically, I want to get healthier. Now before I get hissed and booed (I can hear my sisters in my head), I know I am not fat. Number wise I am fine. But I know my body. The picture inserted is one of our engagement pictures. This is the only time I can really point to where I really felt good about myself physically. I have always had issues with the way I felt physically. I never wanted to be a size 2, because I knew that I wasn't built that way. I was proud of my shape but I never felt healthy. This picture is one of my favorites because it's a good picture of Glen and in myself I see that I liked the way I looked. One thing that I attribute this to is the way I was eating and the amount of physical activity I was getting. Granted, the hour of yoga I got to do every day was mostly because I was in Texas for a short time so no one would hire me. But the idea is that it became a part of my routine. I also for whatever reason did not have much desire for junk food. It was summer time so I ate a lot of fruit and vegetables. So one goal is to get to the point again where I feel this way again. My goal is to just be healthier. I have endometriosis (spelling?) which impacts my ability to have children and according to the research I have done is affected by my nutrition and overall physical health. The last thing I want is for my sweet tooth to get in the way of having children. I also have lost too many family members to cancer; so there is a genetic risk there that is greatly decreased by proper nutrition. So my physical goals are:
1. Eat what my body needs to function properly (and of course drag Glen along with me...yay for marriage!)
2. Exercise 30 minutes for at least 5 out of 7 days
3. Curb my sweet tooth and the bored munching
These things seem really easy but I am such a picky eater that eating what I need and having it still be what I like eating is tricky, so that will be a learning experience. Exercise is something I have always struggled with. I have a hard time finding the time and the motivation. I don't like running generally because I feel like I look like Phoebe in the attached clip. So finding something I can enjoy will be part of this challenge. I am a terrible muncher! And usually it's junk and I know that's not good for me, so I want to stop that too.
   The mental goal is really just to stop comparing myself to other people. Whether it be in school, in my calling, walking by them on the street. I want to be able to have that mental process that says that I am just as (insert comparison here) as them. Making sure I am seeing as much value in myself as I see in others. Also, working my way to moving past some past scars that have unintentionally handicapped me. I won't give the details on that but it's something I am working on too.
   This is getting long...er so I will try to wrap it up. The spiritual stuff is stuff that I struggle with and have for quite sometime and it's so frustrating because it's the "easy" stuff. Things like saying my prayers every day. I have been blessed by prayer multiple times, you would think this would be easier for me. But it's not. I am starting off with saying at least one personal prayer every day. With this I want to make sure that I am showing more gratitude. So I am going to put into action an idea my sister in law gave me to write down ways that I saw the Lord's hand in my life that day. Hopefully that will make the hard days a bit easier and the easier days even better. I also want to read my scriptures every day. Again, a silly sunday school answer that I should have been doing years and years ago. But I haven't been able to stick with it. I want to read the Book of Mormon all the way through and really study it. I have seen how this has blessed the lives of so many and I want to be one of those. Lastly, I want to go to the temple more. We went with my sister and brother in law recently and I realized how much I am still learning and how much I like going. I also know that it will bring Glen and I closer and who doesn't want to feel closer to their spouse? Overall, I really want to strengthen my testimony because just floating doesn't work.
   This is a lot, and I know that. I am not expecting it all to happen today, or in a week, or in a month. But I do want to be improving, learning,and growing. If you have ideas or tips that could help me with any of these things, please share! As I start to master some I may add or swap or do whatever I feel is right. But this is my starting point. Thanks for reading this, and if you made it to the end you're a trooper! :)
   Have a good week and weekend!