One thing that I think is a common struggle for teenagers and adults alike is the fight with, or rather for, their self-esteem. As a teenager and younger I got picked on a lot; sometimes for things I could control (like my clothes) and sometimes for things I couldn't (my awesome Friday family forehead). The clothes that I wore were ones that I liked but were not considered to be fashionable or in style. I was often teased because in the summer I wore jeans, instead of tiny shorts. I chose my tried and true jeans and t-shirts over most anything else; and apparently that made me some kind of target. I had problems with confidence both about clothes and body, as well as just in general. Some of the things that I faced were ones I should have never tried to face alone. I thought I had handled them well, until recently when I had to go back and revisit them to try and undo some of that harm they did. It took me about 7 years to learn that those things which so deeply impacted my confidence and my sense of self were ones that I didn't cause. They were not ones that were meant for me or ones that I could have prevented, but they are ones that told me that I was worth less than I was. They affected how I looked at myself in every way. During the time when I kept all this to myself, I often found my biggest consolation in music. There were times when the words were uplifting and gave me comfort, others were just about the tune being an upbeat and happy one to make me feel happy. Either way I learned the importance of music and the message it can send.
Now as I have been working on the goals I have, some of which include the physical, I sometimes find myself feeling 16 again. Especially in Texas where it's approximately a million degrees in the summer I see a lot of pretty girls in tiny outfits, and immediately I feel like that girl getting picked on for her jeans. I try to remember that my goals aren't about being stick skinny or wearing the "right" clothes, it's about being healthy. I try to remember that and that I never had the interest in the tiny outfits, but when you feel like they're everywhere it can be tough. Which is why I have hearkened back to music. Lately, I have been so grateful for more and more songs coming out about loving yourself for who you are. In a world that I know is even harder than when I was in high school it's incredibly important that girls are hearing messages like this more than the ones about drinking and being stick skinny and half naked. These two songs are ones recently that have come out; they are completely different but I love the message in them:
This one actually made me teary when I watched it because I remembered the struggles that I had then and sometimes now and it brought such comfort to me. It helped remind me that it doesn't matter what others think about me; all that matters is that what is looking back in the mirror is beautiful to me. Since seeing this video I try to remember those wonderful women that I have been told I look like when I feel the least beautiful. I remember things that people have said and that I see that help me feel beautiful.
"You look so much like your grandmother"
"You are your mother's daughter without a doubt. You're definitely a Friday baby."
"She reminds me of Aunt Linda"
Like I said, the videos are two completely different songs. But I love this one! I love the message it sends. She even mentions the skinny ones who think they're fat "No I'm just playing I know you think you're fat. But I'm here to tell ya every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top."
The long and short of this is that I am still learning to be happy with who I am. What makes it easier is surrounding myself with messages like these; the one's that say we're beautiful and worth it just the way we are. That's my thought for today. Thanks for reading!
